Enviado por: JNSA em Maio 07, 2004, 04:39:53 pm
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US Air Force Oath of Enlistment
I, Zoomie, swear to sign away 4 years of my useless life to the United States Air Force because I'm too smart for the Army and because the Marines frighten me.
I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike riding test as a valid form of exercise.
I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, even though I believe myself to be above that.
I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I know I'm not really in the military and I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than all those around me and will at all times besure to make them aware of that fact.
After completion of my <snicker> "Basic Training," I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, chairborne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back with it. I will do no work unless someone is watching me (and it makes me look good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day.
I consent to never getting promoted (EVER) and understand that all those whom I made fun of yesterday will probably outrank me tomorrow.
So help me God.
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US Army Oath of Enlistment
I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the United States Army because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, because I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim.
I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers in my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will ever see is a court-martial for sexual harassment.
I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my sexual...er...I mean Boot Camp, I will attend a different Army school once every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left.
On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter Air Force guy or a better looking Marine. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back.
While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive at work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 to report back to the "company."
I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working in construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam.
So help me God.
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US Marine Corps Oath of Enlistment
I, state your name, swear...uuhhhh... high-and-tight...<grunt> cammies...uhh... ugh... Air Force women... OORAH!
So help me Corps.
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US Navy Oath of Enlistment
I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," and because I thought, "hey, I like to swim...why not?"
I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor man during the summer, and for Waffen SS during the winter.
I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world. using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, and head" instead of "floor, wall, hat, and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank and ensignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever.
I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hrs every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hours.
I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop.
I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my new-found "colleagues."
So help me Neptune.
Enviado por: JNSA em Maio 07, 2004, 04:41:22 pm
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The Snake Model: The Differential Theory of U.S. Armed Forces upon encountering a snake in the area of operations (AOO):
AIRBORNE: Lands on and kills the snake.
ARMOR: Runs over snake, laughs and looks for more snakes.
ARMY AVIATION: Has GPS grid of snake. Couldn't find snake. Flies back to base for crew rest and a manicure.
RANGER: Plays with snake and then eats it.
FIELD ARTILLERY: Kills snake, but in the process kills several hundred civilians with massive TOT barrage with three FA brigades in support. Mission is considered a success and all participants (cooks, mechanics, clerks) are awarded the Silver Star.
COMBAT ENGINEERS: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series FM about how to defeat snake using counter-mobility assets. Complains that the maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake operations.
NAVY S.E.A.L.: Expends all ammunition, several grenades and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. (SEAL blames bad intel for mission failure.)
AIR FORCE FIGHTER PILOT: Mis-identifies the snake as a Russian HIND helicopter and engages it with missiles. Crew chief paints a snake on airplane.
COMBAT CONTROLLER: Guides snake elsewhere.
PARA-RESCUE: Wounds snake in the first encounter, then feverishly works to save the snake's life.
MARINE RECON: Follows snake and gets lost.
SPECIAL FORCES: Makes contact with the snake, builds rapport, wins its heart and mind, and then trains it to kill other snakes.
ARMY MILITARY INTELLIGENCE: Locates snake without snake knowing. Studies snake and it's movements. Reports back to company commander on snake's location and movement. Snake discovers it's location has been compromised and disappears. (MI blames poor OPSEC for snake's disappearance and conducts SAEDA training for next six months)
ARMY QUARTERMASTER: Captures snake, applies a National Stock Number (NSN) to it (that's got to hurt!). Implements a Found On Installation (FOI) procedures and picks up snake on property book. Has company commander sign hand receipt for "Snake, Green, One Each," as non-expendable unit property.
JUDGE ADVOCATE GENERAL CORP: Advises the snake on the rules of engagement and the law of war as it pertains to the snake and it's defensive posture.
CHEMICAL CORPS: Starts to gas the little bastard, but then realizes that there is an M-18, A-2 Respirator especially made for snakes, remembers the Chemical Corps Motto, UTAWBAG (Up Their Ass With Bugs And Gas), and conducts three experiments on it that have been strictly prohibited by the Clinton Treaty of 1999.
SIGNAL CORPS: Consults with Forestry Service as to the location, species, and endangerability of snake, prepares OPORD, conducts prestaging in the Motor Pool, disseminates FRAGOs, tactically convoys to ISB, spends three days in tents at ISB, convoys to site in field, establishes signal site, sets up NC and erects Cammo netting, and establishes a tactical signal environment, discerns location of snake in AO, uses 2.5 miles of flourescent engineer tape to "mark off" snake's AO to ensure that there's an obviously "endangered species" within the perimeter, set up barbeque grills tactically hidden under and behind cammo and forget about snake.
ROTC: Prof of Military Science at obscure Florida school sends platoon of ROTC Cadets out to insure snake does not get onto football field. One half of ROTC platoon gets lost in end zone, abandons equipment and weapons and executes retrograde movement to nearest Burger King. Other half of ROTC platoon finds snake. Several members run away screaming. One member grabs snake and chases female cadet with it, then falls down on snake and breaks leg (cadet's, not snake's). Cadet gets lifetime pension for LOD injury. Snake escapes onto football field, while remainder ROTC platoon die of thirst trying to find way back to ROTC building.
Enviado por: JNSA em Maio 07, 2004, 04:47:04 pm
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You Might Be In The Army If...
-You think beer is one of the four basic food groups.
-You pronounce "sergeant" like "sarn't".
-You have a difficult time coming up with sentences you have not previously heard someone else utter.
-You think your whiny complaints are both new and insightful.
-Your monthly paycheck is smaller than the average welfare payment.
-Your life is lived only in the present with no thought of the future (kind of like children, dogs, and paramecium.)
-You think marriage is a part-time job and adultery a tag-team sport.
-You spend half of your day sitting on your bum waiting for:
orders
supplies and/or equipment
other inconsiderate people
-Your high-tech equipment looks like it was used against Mussolini.
-You have nothing better to do than to gossip about and backstab your fellow soldiers.
-You can wax and buff like a veteran janitor.
-You were a:
juvenile delinquent
hairdresser (females only)
college screw up
small towner from Hicksville, USA
Marine reject
-You can't spell or read aloud.
-You use acronyms in a social setting.
-Your average meal looks like it came out of the north end of a south-bound moose. (SPC Joseph Harris)
-The thought of buying a new pair of boots makes you perspire in excitement.
-You are able to say things like, "We must tactically maneuver these HMMWV's to the north side of the motor vehicle holding area at 0800 hours" with a straight face.
-You compulsively walk in step with your companions.
-You think Jean-Luc Picard needs a haircut.
-You think Beavis and Butthead are the funniest thing on television.
-You give your last four before ordering your Big Mac. (PFC Childs)
-You know every tattoo artist within a 20 mile radius by his or her first name.
-The sight of a nifty drawing makes you itch to call the above.
-You look at an approaching individual's collar or cap before you even glance at their face. (PFC Jedediah Easterbrook)
-You are familiar with every product Kiwi makes.
-You think "Hooah" might just be a real word.
-Your boss says things like,"You will be there and have fun. That's an order."
-You dream in OD Green.
-You climb out of your couch and salute when they play the National Anthem on TV.
-You spend half of your time feeling superior to civilians and the other half wishing you were one of them.
-The first words you learn in a foreign country are all variations on "beer" and "alcohol".
-All of your medical ills are solved with Motrin or Penicillin.
-The word "Gas" makes you reach for a mask instead of a Mylanta.
-It is faster to note the parts of your "company car" that DON'T leak than it is to count the parts that DO.
-There is more starch on your uniform than there is in your diet.
-You have to restrain yourself from spraying Niagara on your Fruit of the Looms.
-You cried when Mom called and told you that she threw away all your old GI Joe figures and comics.
-You were the product of a dysfunctional family that YOU thought was perfectly normal.
-It is nearly impossible for you to cheat on your income tax return.
-You have discovered that life can be narrowed down to three basic needs:
Sleep
Food
Excretion
-You are required by a federal regulation to pull your wool socks all the way up to your armpits.
-You must wait six months and fill out 5 separate forms to get toilet paper for your bathroom.
-You suspect that your uniform and boots could probably stand at attention without you in them.
-Your skull retains the shape of your BDU cap even after you've taken your headgear off.
-You must wait 2 months for a bonus to show up on your paycheck, but only 2 hours for a deduction to be taken.
-You spend an irrational amount of time wondering what everyone is saying about you when you leave the room.
-Your spare tire sits around your waistline, and not in your trunk.
-All of your paperwork must pass through about 10 middlemen, each one more anal retentive, absent-minded and obstructive than the next.
-You give your kids counseling statements for failing to clean their rooms.
-You know that "guidon" refers to a unit's flag, not an underarm deodorant.
-You turn on your headlights during the day and shut them off at night. (SPC Robert Scheffler)
-The troops at Valley Forge probably had better tents than you.
MREs are no longer interesting innovations, but evil little instruments of torture to be avoided at all costs.
-You know what "Butterbar" means and revel in using it
-You're mental prowess is determined by your ability to walk and sing at the same time
-You can build your own satellite out of nothing more than
1 Roll of hundred mile an hour tape
2 garbage bags
1 box of paper clips
1 tent pole
-"Efficient" means using 10 soldiers to put up one wall map.
-You speak of the Air Force with equal parts envy and disdain.
-You still try to find ingenious ways to get to your email while living in a leaky tent in the middle of a forest.
-You actually succeed in accomplishing the above.
-You actually had to PAY someone to give you that Kojack hairdo at basic training. (PFC Sara Farrant)
-Everything you say is a potential EO complaint. (PFC Sara Farrant)
-A Burger King value meal is a gourmet treat. (PFC Sara Farrant)
-Promotions leave you with a bleeding forehead and collarbone.
-You can refuse a drug test, but will be legally punished for doing so.
-You can get kicked out of an oral interview/exam (ie board) for walking in the wrong way.
-You are 35 years old and still don't have a credit card.
-You learn you are deploying to Saudi from CNN two days before you hear it from your chain of command.
-You praise and bless the Port-a-Potty man regularly. (PFC Sara Farrant)
-You look like a walking, talking, camouflage garbage bag on rainy days.
-You are nicknamed things like "Chock Block", "Small Round", "Pogy Bait", or (of course) "Radar" (PFC Sara Farrant)
-Your vehicle looks dirtier after you've washed it than it did before you started
-You get stuff like "Walk the line" and "Stay Alert, Stay Alive" when playing Pictionary with your Army buddies (PFC Sara Farrant)
-You think camouflage works in urban settings. (PFC Sara Farrant)
-It takes 9 hours to get TO the site of your field exercise, but only 2 hours to make it BACK. (PFC Sara Farrant on Army Physics)
-The thought of your colleagues armed with live rounds fills you with equal amounts of fear and panic.
-You could not tell the difference between Communism and your daily life when you looked up the word in your copy of Webster's Illustrated Dictionary for Young Readers.
-Your chain of command arranges to televise the Super Bowl via satellite in the field--in order to avoid mass rioting.
-A sudden increase in your unit's budget makes you wonder if you should look into extra life insurance.
-You are required to obey the orders of a scrubby kid half your age who only wears BDUs now because his/her parents didn't want to pay for his/her college education.
-You tie yourself into grammatical knots when you try to engage in intellectual debate with others.
-You can admit to using any of the following words/phrases within the past month:
"hand-carry"
"re-up"
"AR-XXX"
"Hooah?!"
"PMCS"
"Sarn't"
"squared away"
"#*(@&! up!" (Fill in the expletive)
"double-time"
"mission"
-Your S-3 is TOO in love with Microsoft Power Point presentations--not to mention their own voices.
-You are permitted to use "deadly force", but prohibited from firing a few "warning shots" while on guard duty.
-Your daily cologne is known as "Diesel--For the Soldier in All of Us"
-Your living conditions in the field are better than the ones you put up with in the rear.
-The entire cast of "ER" couldn't make your (overstarched) summer uniform "breathe".
-You know that the "H" in the 7 Army Values really stands for "Hurry up and wait." (PFC McCubbin, 32d Sig Bn)
-You know what the acronym "ATFU" means. ("Ate The #@&# Up") (PFC McCubbin)
-All of your off-duty clothing has Nike, Tommy Hilfiger, FUBU, or JNCO embroidered, stencilled, or otherwise emblazoned upon it.
-(Males) You *know* that the female foreign nationals that hang around the barracks at your overseas duty station are only after an ID card, but you continue to chase them anyway.
-(Females) You are positively catty towards every new female that arrives in your unit if she is:
Single
Under the age of 40
More attractive than you are
Even slightly talented
Not overtly lesbian
-(Males) Most *American* women living close enough to military installations to recognize a servicemember when they see one would rather give their phone numbers to a migrant farm worker than to you.
-You wish they still served beer during lunch in the mess hall.
-Your kids put hospital corners on their Barbie doll beds.
-A squeeze pouch of MRE Jalepeno Cheese Spread is your idea of heaven.
-When relating the dialogue of an argument to your buddies, you are tempted to start it off with, "And I replied with a whole lot of anger..."
-You have polypro or Gortex everything.
-You brag about being on Percoset.
-Your promotion prospects hinge entirely on your ability to:
Run
Shoot at a sheet of paper
Answer a slew of nitpicky questions regarding some of the most boring topics known to man
Send your clothes to a dry cleaner
Enviado por: JNSA em Maio 07, 2004, 04:49:02 pm
Enviado por: Ricardo Nunes em Maio 07, 2004, 07:57:11 pm
http://www.f-16.net/modules.php?op=modl ... 180&page=1 (http://www.f-16.net/modules.php?op=modload&name=Sections&file=index&req=viewarticle&artid=180&page=1)
Enviado por: JNSA em Maio 12, 2004, 11:31:50 pm
Porque é que a galinha atravessou a estrada?
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
USAF reactions to this event follow:
Air Education and Training Command:
The purpose is to familiarize the chicken with road-crossing procedures. Road-crossing should be performed only between the hours of sunset and sunrise. Solo chickens must have at least three miles of visibility and a safety observer.
Special Ops:
The chicken crossed at a 90 degree angle to avoid prolonged exposure to a line of communication. To achieve maximum surprise, the chicken should have performed this maneuver at night using NVG's, preferably near a road bend in a valley.
Air Combat Command:
The chicken should log this as a GCC sortie only if road-crossing qualified. The crossing updates the chicken's 60-day road-crossing currency only if performed on a Monday or Thursday or during a full moon. Instructor chickens may update currency any time they observe another chicken cross the road.
Tanker Airlift Control Center:
We need the road-crossing time and the time the chicken becomes available for another crossing.
Command Post:
What chicken?
Tower:
The chicken was instructed to hold short of the road. This road-incursion incident was reported in a Hazardous Chicken Road-Crossing Report (HCRCR). Please re-emphasize that chickens are required to read back all hold short instructions.
C-130 crewmember:
Just put it in back and let's go.
C-141 crewmember:
I ordered a no. 4 with turkey and ham, NOT chicken. Besides, where the heck are my condiments?! We ain't taking off til' I get my condiments!!!
Fighter dude:
Look, dude, that was the frag, OK? I've flown my 1.0 for the day and I ain't got time for anymore questions!
B-1 crew:
Missed the whole show--we had an IFE so we couldn't get out to see it; you'll have to ask the SOF.
Air Force Personnel Center:
Due to the needs of the Air Force, the chicken was involuntarily reassigned to the other side of the road. This will be a 3-year controlled tour and we promise to give the chicken a good-deal assignment afterwards. Every chicken will be required to do one road-crossing during its career, and this will not affect its opportunities for future promotion.
John Warden:
The chicken used its unique ability to operate in 2 dimensions to bypass the less important strategic rings on this side of the road and strike directly into the heart of the enemy, thereby destroying the will of the enemy to fight and thus ending the conflict on terms favorable to the chicken.
Congress:
The chicken will do anything to get the C-17 and the F-22.
Enviado por: Spectral em Maio 14, 2004, 01:48:17 pm
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg67.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fv204%2FThe_Spectre%2Fxpto.jpg&hash=b19461c434cae660bbfa812cfacdd996)
Enviado por: Fábio G. em Maio 14, 2004, 01:58:46 pm
Enviado por: Fábio G. em Maio 15, 2004, 03:56:04 pm
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Firaqwar.mirror-world.ru%2Fshow_image.php%3Fid%3D101%2520&hash=8d64a4b999e928edc2797ab69b676509)
Enviado por: Guilherme em Maio 15, 2004, 04:02:32 pm
Enviado por: Fábio G. em Maio 15, 2004, 08:15:43 pm
:(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Firaqwar.mirror-world.ru%2Fshow_image.php%3Fid%3D52&hash=2494e027002efbe9c595b4e6f5251335)
Enviado por: Fábio G. em Maio 15, 2004, 10:13:16 pm
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Enviado por: Fábio G. em Maio 16, 2004, 02:30:30 am
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Firaqwar.mirror-world.ru%2Fshow_image.php%3Fid%3D49%2520&hash=d5f33af126c647b7f63b98160a7cacfb)
Enviado por: Fábio G. em Maio 16, 2004, 09:07:47 pm
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Enviado por: JNSA em Maio 19, 2004, 11:28:52 pm
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.airpower.at%2Fnews03%2F1231_tranche4%2Fef-uav.jpg&hash=9b97b25c92e21cf11636e3e919b40abe)
Enviado por: JNSA em Maio 19, 2004, 11:29:50 pm
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.airpower.at%2Fnews03%2F1231_tranche4%2Fflameout.jpg&hash=8a56a2bb4d8326e11b42f3c41060c6ad)
Enviado por: JNSA em Maio 19, 2004, 11:30:44 pm
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.airpower.at%2Fnews03%2F1231_tranche4%2F3seater.jpg&hash=cf66eb7f899b84d2991fe9aa9c6b78dd)
Enviado por: JNSA em Maio 19, 2004, 11:31:32 pm
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.airpower.at%2Fnews03%2F1231_tranche4%2F3engine.jpg&hash=68f411daabe576abb315dbdf9619d020)
Enviado por: Fábio G. em Maio 20, 2004, 12:00:37 am
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.swapmeetdave.com%2FHumor%2FLowcostweapon.jpg&hash=af088fe6b2dfd875a1d5dca1a35a3b25)
Enviado por: Fábio G. em Maio 20, 2004, 12:02:59 am
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.swapmeetdave.com%2FHumor%2FNavyrelease.jpg&hash=f371bac921f4c44ed404ef18d7d27192)
Enviado por: Fábio G. em Maio 20, 2004, 12:24:25 am
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.swapmeetdave.com%2FHumor%2FTankad.gif&hash=ad174c1a3b07bf356bae867a1d82a089)
Enviado por: Luso em Maio 20, 2004, 10:13:16 pm
Enviado por: komet em Maio 20, 2004, 10:21:23 pm
Enviado por: Luso em Junho 08, 2004, 11:16:34 pm
A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, who was still barely alive. They ran to him, cradled his blood-covered head and asked him what had happened.
"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth. I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, "Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash!"
He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, "Bill Clinton, Tom Daschle, Ted Kennedy and most of your Democrats are unprincipled, lying pieces of trash too!"
"We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."
Enviado por: Rui Elias em Junho 09, 2004, 02:34:11 pm
Aquela imagem da instalação para testes de artilharia (parece que será isso, porque o carro está travado atrás com calços) deve ter incorporação nacional:
Mais propriamente de uma conhecida indústria das Caldas da Rainha.
Enviado por: Spectral em Junho 09, 2004, 06:55:13 pm
Enviado por: Spectral em Junho 14, 2004, 11:08:39 pm
http://business.quadlink.net/adirondack/mcarapage4seastories/marinef105/
Enviado por: Fábio G. em Junho 15, 2004, 03:19:47 pm
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.webmutants.com%2Fstrategypage%2FMini-CV.jpg&hash=794979e620815dd3736a3fea2b27db85)
Enviado por: Fábio G. em Junho 15, 2004, 03:55:09 pm
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.car.co.nz%2Fimages%2Fpotw%2Fgallery%2F4%2Ff15vscop.jpg&hash=ad2e5e590eff91d96db62f469de60a25)
Enviado por: JNSA em Junho 16, 2004, 04:24:29 pm
Enviado por: JNSA em Junho 16, 2004, 04:24:56 pm
Enviado por: JNSA em Junho 16, 2004, 04:25:17 pm
Enviado por: JNSA em Junho 16, 2004, 04:25:36 pm
Enviado por: JNSA em Junho 16, 2004, 04:25:59 pm
Enviado por: JNSA em Junho 16, 2004, 04:26:16 pm
Enviado por: JNSA em Junho 16, 2004, 04:26:50 pm
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg67.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fv204%2FJNSAA%2Fch53camo1.jpg&hash=7a14e1b4c65fc8026cffb6f15a82080a)
Enviado por: Lynx em Junho 17, 2004, 01:26:43 pm
Enviado por: Lynx em Junho 17, 2004, 01:27:44 pm
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Quartel General da KFOR
Pristina
Memorando para esposas, namoradas e mães de Militares regressados
do Kosovo
Assunto: Alteração do Comportamento
O Militar que regressa de uma missão no Kosovo, KFOR, vai provavelmente manifestar alterações de comportamento devido ás suas experiências e privações passadas. Não é causa para alarme. A recuperação é rápida. Para não haver complicações na recuperação devem-se seguir as acções a seguir referidas:
Acções a tomar:
INDOLE GERAL
1. Se o militar não se sentir de imediato em casa, cubra o passeio à volta de casa com pedras, lama de 2 a 8 centímetros. A recepção será mais rápida se adicionar uma camada de pó e rolos de cotão no corredor.
2. Não se surpreenda se o militar preferir pisar chão firme, ainda que referido como no ponto
1., a andar sob relva, ainda que tenha de se desviar um pouco do seu caminho.
3. Coloque no chão algumas pedras bem maiores que as restantes para dificultar o andamento do militar e fazer com que se ele as pise corra o risco de partir um pé.
4. Cubra a mobília com pó. Adicione cotão. Se adicionar por vezes algumas gotas de água no chão formando lama será melhor.
5. Ligue para a companhia de telefones e peça para desligar o telefone várias vezes ao dia sem ser em horário fixo de modo a nunca o militar saber quando poderá ligar. Quando tiver linha para ligar deverá por vezes sofrer interferências na linha de modo a dificultar o dialogo. Se se aperceber que o militar está ao telefone deve fazer barulho na outra ponta da casa (falar alto, ligar um rádio, etc).
6. Dê instruções nos Correios para só entregar a correspondência de 10 em 10 dias. A correspondência urgente deve ser atrasada mais um pouco. As encomendas devem ser amassadas antes de ser entregues.
7. Arranje de modo a que ciganos montem tendas em linha de vista, tal como casas semi destruídas.
8. No caso de o militar querer ir às compras veja pela janela se onde ele quer ir é em linha de vista e se a banca onde quer ir não estão lá mais de 5 pessoas. Se tiver não o deixe sair.
9. Arranje modo de ter à porta de casa um landru (xpressão que ele irá usar para designar os vizinhos pelos primeiros tempos), a vender CD’s piratas. Os CD’s que ele vier a comprar risque pelo menos um em cada dois.
10. Prepare pelo menos duas a três falhas de corrente por dia sempre perto das 09.00 da manhã e 22.00 da noite, mas nunca à hora certa. Se o militar estiver a ver televisão ou a utilizar algum aparelho ligado à corrente eléctrica tanto melhor.
11. Sempre que se aperceber de que o militar esteja a ver televisão deve tentar fazer o mais barulho possível.
12. O jornais a comprar terão de ser sempre com um atraso mínimo de 10 dias. Revistas com atraso de um mês.
13. Caso ele queira tomar banho deve antes deixr a banheira suja. Deve fazer com que ele só tome banho banho de chuveiro no menor espaço disponível e de modo a entrar para o chuveiro vestido e sair dele também.
14. Meta a roupa dele num saco com uma numeração. Ponha o saco na máquina com a roupa dentro e programe a máquina num programa errado. A roupa no final deve ficar húmida e com manchas. O tamanho da roupa deverá ser o mais pequeno possível e mal feita. Nunca lhe entregue a roupa antes de se aperceber de que ele já não tenha nenhuma roupa para vestir.
HÁBITOS ALIMENTARES
1. O café deve ser do mais barato e sempre servido em copos de plástico. Se os copos estiverem rachados aumenta o prazer do café.
2. Toda a comida deve ser servida em utensílios de plástico tal como os talheres. Só deve ter um guardanapo de papel e de qualidade muito baixa.
3. Toda a comida deve ser sem sal com condimentos servidos em embalagens individuais. O lugar na mesa deve ser apertado e sem tolha na mesa. O banco não pode ter almofada para que não se demore a tomar a refeição. A Sala de refeição não deve ter porta e ser barulhenta.
4. Se for almoçar com amigos peça para que eles lhe disponibilize uma folha onde o militar vai registar o seu numero da KFOR, posto e nome.
5. Não lhe dê vinho de marca nos primeiros tempos. Pois não está habituado e poderá reagir como se fosse tentativa de envenenamento.
6. O militar irá comer á pressa para libertar a mesa para que outros possam comer no seu lugar.
COMPORTAMENTO NO QUARTO
1. De inicio, deixe-o dormir num saco-cama, no chão se ele preferir. Ele poderá preferir uma combinação saco/colchão. Nesta caso, não se aproxime.
2. Numa primeira tentativa para dormir em lençóis, não lhe dê dois lençóis apenas um e só posteriormente-(muito-depois) o segundo-lençoL Não os lave nas primeirsemanas. Os lençóis deverão ser mais pequenos que a cama.
3. Não se surpreenda se ele convidar mais dois ou três amigos para dormir no quarto. Deve sentir falta do ressonar dos camaradas. Deve ressonar também. De preferência, se se aperceber que o militar tem dificuldade em adormecer deve colocar um gerador perto da janela do quarto.
4. O colchão da cama deve ser o mais mole possível de modo a parecer que o militar está a dormir numa cama de lona.
5. Se o militar falar durante as noite e proferir frase do género: “outra vez ponte, porra!”,” este landru cheira a ovos podres, revista-o tu.”,” outra vez, revista a casas?”, “olha o buraco, continua condutor, porra!! !“, são frases perfeitamente normais na sua rotina.
DIVERSOS
Não se surpreenda se:
1. Ele antes de sair de casa, escrever num quadro de casa, código de missão, pessoal, viaturas, destino e hora.
2. Antes de sair de casa sem dizer: arma, capacete, colete, mapa, cartão.
3. Quando alguém se aproximar do carro ele proferir: “chou landro, fuck off!”. Isto traduzido quer dizer (mais ou menos): não conheço e não sou de cá, vai-te embora se faz favor!
4. Vendo uma fila ele tenha tendência natural para se por nela.
POR FIM DEVE EVITAR PERGUNTAS TAIS COMO:
1. Como foi aquilo?
2. Divertiste-te na KFOR?
3. Queres voltar ao Kosovo?
4. Para que são seis cervejas?
5. Sempre é verdade que os Franceses ganham cinco vezes mais que tu?
6. Foi fácil ligares para Portugal?
Gabinete de estudo em Klina, 01 de Novembro de 2000
Enviado por: JNSA em Junho 17, 2004, 03:01:08 pm
Enviado por: JNSA em Junho 17, 2004, 03:01:33 pm
Excelente
Enviado por: JNSA em Junho 17, 2004, 03:01:53 pm
Enviado por: JNSA em Junho 17, 2004, 03:02:11 pm
Enviado por: JNSA em Junho 17, 2004, 03:02:33 pm
Enviado por: JNSA em Junho 17, 2004, 03:02:53 pm
Enviado por: Rui Elias em Junho 17, 2004, 03:42:41 pm
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.google.com%2Fimages%3Fq%3Dtbn%3A-aL7DT1UfBwJ%3Awww.humvee.net%2Fpix%2Fhc97%2Fhc08a.jpg&hash=c72d560b2a382f031ec245ae0836294a)
Enviado por: Lynx em Junho 18, 2004, 10:16:06 pm
Piloto: "Que ruído é que nós podemos fazer a 35.000 pés de altitude?"
Torre: "O ruído que o vosso 707 fará quando colidir com o 727 à vossa frente!"
-------------------------------------------
Torre: "Vocês são um Airbus 320 ou 340?"
Piloto: "Um 340, claro!"
Torre: "Então, seriam capazes de ligar os vossos outros dois motores antes de se porem em fila para partir?"
--------------------------------------------
Piloto: "Bom dia, Bratislava."
Torre: "Bom dia. Mas atenção: isto é Viena."
Piloto: "Estou em aproximação para aterragem para Bratislava."
Torre: "Isto é Viena."
Piloto: "Viena?"
Torre: "Sim."
Piloto: "Mas porquê? Nós queremos ir para Bratislava."
Torre: "O.k. Então abortem a aterragem e virem à esquerda."
------------------------------------------
Torre para um piloto com uma aterragem BEM forte:
"Uma aterragem não é um segredo. É normal os passageiros perceberem que chegaram."
Piloto: "O.k. Mas eles batem sempre palmas de qualquer forma."
-----------------------------------------
Piloto de um voo da Alitalia que perdeu metade dos instrumentos do cockpit quando foi atingido por um raio:
"Perdemos quase tudo. Nada funciona. Nem o indicador de altitude mostra nada........"
Após 5 minutos de queixas, ouve-se a voz de um outro piloto no intercomunicador:
"Ó pá, cala-te e morre como um homem!"
-----------------------------------------
Piloto: Umas das luzes de aterragem está arder."
Torre: "Espero que esteja a arder mais do que uma."
Piloto: "Quero dizer, a luz de aterragem está a deitar fumo."
-----------------------------------------
Piloto: "Estamos a ficar sem combustível. Esperamos indicações."
Torre: "Qual é a vossa posição? Não vos temos no nosso visor."
Piloto: "Estamos na pista 2 há uma eternidade de tempo à espera do camião de combustível."
------------------------------------------
Torre: "Vocês estão com problemas?"
Piloto: "Perdi a minha bússula."
Torre: "Da maneira que voas, deves ter perdido todos os instrumentos."
-------------------------------------------
Torre: "Após a aterragem, vão para a pista de chegada Alpha 7, Alpha 5, Whiskey 2, Delta 1 e Oscar 2."
Piloto: "Onde raio é isso? Não conhecemos os caminhos por aqui."
Torre: "Tudo bem. Eu também só estou aqui durante dois dias."
-------------------------------------------
Piloto: "Torre, pede-se autorização para levantar voo."
Torre: "Perdão, não vos temos no nosso plano de voo. Para onde pretendem ir? "
Enviado por: Spectral em Junho 21, 2004, 10:36:34 pm
O livro de colorir do piloto de A-10, prenda do Natal de 1977
ou "tudo o que queria saber sobre o T-62 mas sempre teve vergonha de perguntar"
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.simhq.com%2F_air%2Fimages%2Fair_053a_2.gif&hash=de7bbf41eb2117432899ccb109ec1b43)
http://www.simhq.com/_air/air_053c.html
Imperdível
Enviado por: JNSA em Junho 22, 2004, 03:02:37 pm
---
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.tunersbest.de%2Fspass%2Ffotos%2Fmilka-panzer.jpg&hash=348f4e070a8f7ca4a6088a311cdfcd7c)
Enviado por: Ricardo Nunes em Junho 23, 2004, 06:30:55 pm
O "desespero" de um piloto de Hawk britânico. :lol:
Enviado por: Spectral em Junho 24, 2004, 03:31:23 pm
Simples. Dêm ao homem um Typhoon para se vingar...
E agora, uma lista "not to do" de um GI nos Balcãs:
The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army
SGT Shawn Stanford
Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in the Balkans. SPC Schwarz was either very clever or very bored; but probably both, since he managed to attempt or be warned about 213 things he wasn't allowed to do. He collected those things into a hillarious list and posted them to the web. The site hadn't been updated in a couple of years and has since gone away; but the list is classic, so I saved it. A couple favorites: 2. My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'. and 191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.
Not allowed to watch Southpark when I'm supposed to be working.
My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'.
Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
Not allowed to play 'Pulp Fiction' with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.
Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War Criminal posters.
Not allowed to title any product 'Get Over it'.
Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on Government time.
Not allowed to join the communist party.
Not allowed to join any militia.
Not allowed to form any militia.
Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.
Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to 'Sic Brass!'
Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my 'Sampson like powers'.
God may not contradict any of my orders.
May no longer perform my now (in)famous 'Barbie Girl Dance' while on duty.
May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.
Must not taunt the French any more.
Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.
Must never call an SAS a 'Wanker'.
Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they've been smoking crack.
Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.
Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.
Never tell a German soldier that 'We kicked your ass in World War 2!'
Don't tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).
Don't take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).
The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'.
Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.
Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
(Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
Not allowed to sing 'High Speed Dirt' by Megadeth during airborne operations. ('See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I'm off to meet my maker')
Can't have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn't over).
Our medic is called 'Sgt Larwasa', not 'Dr. Feelgood'.
Our supply Sgt is 'Sgt Watkins' not 'Sugar Daddy'.
Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.
I do not have super-powers.
'Keep on Trucking' is *not* a psychological warfare message.
Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in recruitment posters.
Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.
I am not the atheist chaplain.
I am not allowed to 'Go to Bragg boulevard and shake daddies little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undies'.
I am not authorized to fire officers.
I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.
I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
Not allowed to trade military equipment for 'magic beans'.
Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.
Not allowed to quote 'Dr Seuss' on military operations.
Not allowed to yell 'Take that Cobra' at the rifle range.
Not allowed to quote 'Full Metal Jacket ' at the rifle range.
'Napalm sticks to kids' is *not* a motivational phrase.
An order to 'Put Kiwi on my boots' does *not* involve fruit.
An order to 'Make my Boots black and shiny' does not involve electrical tape.
The proper response to a lawful order is not 'Why?'
The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.
May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.
‘The Giant Space Ants' are not at the top of my chain of command.
If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean ‘I have been promoted three more times than you'.
It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.
Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.
Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.
There are no evil clowns living under my bed.
There is no ‘Anti-Mime' campaign in Bosnia.
I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.
I may not line my helmet with tin foil to ‘Block out the space mind control lasers'.
May not pretend to be a facist stormtrooper, while on duty.
I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.
I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.
May not wear gimp mask while on duty.
No military functions are to be performed ‘Skyclad'.
Woad is not camouflage makeup.
May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.
"Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around" is *not* a cadence.
The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."
I may not call block my chain of command.
I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.
Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.
May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance.
May not form any press gangs.
Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about...."
Must not use military vehicles to ‘Squish' things.
Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident.
May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the ‘field of honor'.
If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
Must not refer to 1st Sgt as ‘Mom'.
Must not refer to the Commander as ‘Dad'.
Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a room inspection.
I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.
When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony ‘Romper Bomper Stomper Boo' is probably not appropriate.
Nerve gas is not funny.
Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.
I am not in need of a more suitable host body.
‘Redneck Zombies' is not a military training aid.
Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.
The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not ‘Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.'
A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.
Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.
I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.
Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of war".
My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.
Vodka, green food coloring, and a ‘Cool Mint’ Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.
I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.
I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD’s.
Must not mock command decisions in front of the press.
Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.
I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.
Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about anything.
I am not qualified to operate any US, German, Polish, or Russian Armored vehicles.
When saluting a ‘leg’ officer, an appropriate greeting is not "Airborne leads the wa- oh...sorry sir".
There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from ‘Full Monty’ every time I hear the song "Hot Stuff".
I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.
I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks me.
Crucifying mice - bad idea.
Must not use government equipment to bootleg pornography.
Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires - therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them.
I cannot arrest children for being rude.
An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off color joke.
I should not use government resources to ‘waterproof’ dirty magazines.
Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.
I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.
Two drink limit does not mean first and last.
Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.
Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.
‘No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages’ does not imply that a Jack Daniel’s ® IV is acceptable.
"Shpadoinkle" is not a real word.
The Microsoft ® ‘Dancing Paperclip’ is not authorized to countermand any orders.
‘I’m drunk’ is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.
No dancing in the turret. This especially applies in conjunction with rule #113.
The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas.
The loudspeaker system is not to be used to replace the radio.
The loudspeaker system is not to be used to broadcast the soundtrack to a porno movie.
An order to put polish on my boots means the whole boot.
Shouting ‘Let’s do the village! Let’s do the whole fucking village!’ while out on a mission is bad.
Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.
Even if my commander did it.
Must not teach interpreters how to make "MRE" bombs.
I am not authorized to sell mineral rights.
Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove ‘The Pen is Mightier than the sword’.
'Calvin-Ball' is not authorized PT.
I do not need to keep a 'range card' by my window.
'K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free' is not an authorized uniform.
I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.
Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.
I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke ®.
Putting red 'Mike and Ike's' ® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.
Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they be filled out.
On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a legal tackle.
The proper way to report to my Commander is 'Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir' not 'You can't prove a thing!'
The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ® batteries.
I should not assign new privates to 'guard the flight line'.
Shouldn't treat 'piss-bottles' with extra-strength icy hot.
Teaching Albanian children to taunt other soldiers is not nice.
I will no longer perform 'lap-dances' while in uniform.
If I take the uniform off, in the course of the lap-dance, it still counts.
The revolution is not now.
When detained by MP's, I do not have a right to a strip search.
No part of the military uniform is edible.
Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.
Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.
Take that hat off.
There is no such thing as a were-virgin.
I do not get 'that time of month'.
No, the pants are not optional.
Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.
Especially not a pornographic movie studio.
Not even if they *are* 'especially patriotic films'
Not allowed to 'defect' to OPFOR during training missions.
On training missions, try not to shoot down the General's helicopter.
'A full magazine and some privacy' is not the way to help a potential suicide.
I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.
Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it's actually DOD policy).
We do not 'charge into battle, naked, like the Celts'.
Any device that can crawl across the table on medium, does not need to be brought into the office.
I am not to refer to a formation as 'the boxy rectangle thingie'.
I am not 'A lesbian trapped in a man's body'.
On Army documents, my race is not 'Other'.
Nor is it 'Secretariat, in the third'.
Pokémon® trainer is not an MOS.
There is no FM for 'wall-to-wall counseling'.
My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups. ®
When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something 'I saw in a cartoon'.
My name is not a killing word.
I am not the Emperor of anything.
Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.
May not challenge officers to 'Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn'.
Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.
Must not make s'mores while on guard duty.
Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.
The proper response to a briefing is not 'That's what you think'.
The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command.
Shouldn't take incriminating photos of my chain of command.
Shouldn't use Photoshop ® to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.
I am not allowed to give tattoos.
I am not allowed to sing 'Henry the VIII I am' until verse 68 ever again.
Not allowed to lead a 'Coup' during training missions.
I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.
My chain of command is not interested in why I 'just happen' to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.
Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.
Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the "Safety Dance" and the "Safety Briefing" are never to be combined.
'To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.
NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration."
Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")
Not allowed to get shot.
The Chicken and Rice MRE is *not* a personal lubricant. (Skippy wanted this noted for the record that this is not something he has ever attempted or considered! It was something we heard at dinner on 22 September 2001 and it was just so obscene it had to go here.)
Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civlians who are "hearing conversations" from the NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain.
An airsickness bag is to be used for airsickness *only*. (Also not a Skippy-ism...this was the same dinner.)
Must not make T-shirts up depciting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.
Don't ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.
Must not go on nine deployments in six years that require a security clearance that I don't have, even if the Army tells me repeatedly that I have one and I have no reason to question them.
Do not convince NCO's that their razorbumps are the result of microscopic parasites.
Enviado por: JNSA em Junho 28, 2004, 12:40:55 am
Enviado por: JNSA em Junho 28, 2004, 12:41:45 am
Enviado por: JNSA em Junho 28, 2004, 12:49:11 am
Enviado por: JNSA em Junho 28, 2004, 12:53:59 am
Enviado por: JNSA em Junho 28, 2004, 12:59:05 am
Enviado por: Lynx em Junho 28, 2004, 03:51:44 pm
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Enviado por: Fábio G. em Junho 29, 2004, 08:34:04 pm
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.news.navy.mil%2Fmanagement%2Fphotodb%2Fwebphoto%2Fweb_040618-N-6817C-036.jpg&hash=ef9b05e7947d6173eee975ba38604013)
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.news.navy.mil%2Fmanagement%2Fphotodb%2Fwebphoto%2Fweb_040618-N-6817C-089.jpg&hash=ee007c06639461c9a2a96c3714f5ab69)
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.news.navy.mil%2Fmanagement%2Fphotodb%2Fwebphoto%2Fweb_040618-N-8497H-031.jpg&hash=fc50cfe8fe85af531f12ee0fc3e36f60)
... mas é apenas umas cenas de um filme que vai sair em 2005.
Enviado por: [PT]HKFlash em Junho 29, 2004, 08:37:59 pm
Enviado por: Spectral em Junho 30, 2004, 03:32:23 pm
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fkd4dcy.net%2Frthumor%2Fual-aa.jpg&hash=f2fc9ad57d4b2968f076dcba38e914a9)
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fkd4dcy.net%2Frthumor%2Fstealth.jpg&hash=c581bd9da82e05100ddf1aef9633a7c2)
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fkd4dcy.net%2Frthumor%2Fw88.jpg&hash=65ea9f3689388587c402446f1c245bc3)
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fkd4dcy.net%2Frthumor%2FKingkong.jpg&hash=ae995cc0115bf2c68676cc871e1760fc)
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fkd4dcy.net%2Frthumor%2Fbinladenwindow.jpg&hash=0fc28a0ba76cd29add5514dd1ef99f36)
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fkd4dcy.net%2Frthumor%2Fmirror.jpg&hash=d563d99477bbc485d7898cad1c5a30cd)
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fkd4dcy.net%2Frthumor%2Fboyington.jpg&hash=ad4544576f3c8530d58aaaed40599c75)
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fkd4dcy.net%2Frthumor%2Fstrikeback.jpg&hash=fbb637547fe507e6b448e715c84c1f5e)
(os brincalhões não sabem distinguir um F-15 de um F-18 !)
Enviado por: Fábio G. em Julho 10, 2004, 04:04:18 pm
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.blimdanet.com%2Fgaleria%2Fpabennos%2Fimages%2FChallengers%2520en%2520problemas%2520%281%29.jpg&hash=0463a73ee8571468f7fbd36e4540fae1)
Enviado por: Fábio G. em Agosto 04, 2004, 12:48:58 pm
(https://www.forumdefesa.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fpic.tiexue.net%2Fpic.aspx%3Fid%3D109696&hash=8267e51cf43ec555f9dd2e12eefff785)
Enviado por: Spectral em Outubro 07, 2004, 04:52:56 pm
The Little Tamk that Could (http://http)
The Little Tank That Could
Once upon a time, a little Canadian Leopard Tank Defied his country's orders, and joined the Americans in Iraq...
8) 8)
Enviado por: emarques em Outubro 07, 2004, 05:07:49 pm
O que fiquei sem saber é que tipo de bases terão para essa "historinha". Aconteceu alguma coisa com um tanque australiano?