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JNSA

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« em: Janeiro 27, 2004, 07:10:34 pm »
Coloquem aqui aquelas grandes histórias/estórias hilariantes, divertidas ( ou nem por isso ), que já vos passaram pelo mail ( anedotas e citações também contam... )

Só para começar:

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the sharing obviously hasn't ceased... Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: "First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze." This student received the only A.
 

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Ricardo Nunes

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« Responder #1 em: Janeiro 27, 2004, 07:18:15 pm »
Já conhecia!  :D

Dá uma olhadela pelo topic "Casamento" que eu postei na mesma secção faz já algum tempo. Para mim foi a melhor que recebi até hoje.  8)
Ricardo Nunes
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Spectral

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« Responder #2 em: Janeiro 27, 2004, 09:09:17 pm »
opa, essa história já correu meio mundo e já teve inúmeros versões!!  :D
Aliás que eu saiba várias universidades portuguesas afirmam que esta história passou-se nelas ( a minha é uma delas )  :D
I hope that you accept Nature as It is - absurd.

R.P. Feynman
 

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JNSA

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« Responder #3 em: Janeiro 27, 2004, 09:57:55 pm »
Também já tinha visto várias versões desta ( e também da que colocaste no outro tópico, Ricardo )...

É a tal história do "quem conta um conto..."

É por isso que os "mitos urbanos" têm piada...  :)
 

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Ricardo Nunes

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« Responder #4 em: Janeiro 27, 2004, 10:13:16 pm »
Sendo assim, aqui vai uma bem verdadeira:
( por favor não liguem à minha forma de narração que, de propósito, é infantil ).

Nascia mais um belo dia na AFA e o cadete X ( sinceramente já não me lembro do nome dele ) do segundo ano do curso de PILAV lá se dirige para os chuveiros para o banho matinal.

Entretanto o seu colega de quarto, mais outros 2 camaradas decidem tramar o pobre rapaz.

Quando o cadete sai da casa-de-banho para o seu quarto ( na academia por cada 2 quartos existe uma casa-banho entre os 2 com 2 chuveiros ) qual não é o seu espanto quando vê que a sua cama e a sua mesa de cabeceira não estão lá. Em pânico veste-se a pressa com aquilo que tem â mão, e, faltando 5 min para formar, vai por todo o andar à procura do raio da cama, já a pensar que ía levar das boas do oficial de dia.  
Procura, procura... e nada.

Já desesperado e tendo perdido toda a esperança decide dirigir-se para a parada, já bastante atrasado, sabendo que provavelmente já ía levar nas orelhas também por chegar aquelas horas.
Qual não é o espanto do cadete que, quando sai das casernas para a parada, já com todos os outros cadetes formados repara que bem no meio da parada está a cama dele, bem feitinha, com fatinho de voo em cima esticado, botinhas ao fundo da cama e a mesa de cabeceira bem ao lado.  :lol:

______________________________________________

Esta história foi-me contada pelo Cad. PILAV 3º ano Goulart ( agora 4º - Os Pégasos ) pela altura da minha passagem pela AFA. Sendo assim alguns pormenores podem ser ligeiramente diferentes da realidade.

No curto espaço de tempo que por ainda lá passei não tive a opurtunidade de assistir a tão grande demonstração de genialidade mas quantas foram as vezes que cheguei ao quarto e não tinha lâmpadas, nem as tampas do chuveiro, e o colchão do armário... ...

Ai ai... bons tempos, bons tempos...  :roll:
Ricardo Nunes
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Spectral

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« Responder #5 em: Janeiro 27, 2004, 11:37:31 pm »
Um amigo meu que está na Academia do Exército ( 1ºano ) contou-me que a "praxe", entre muitas outras coisas, consistia em fazer os caloiros bater com a cabeça na parede durante 1 hora ou mais... Parece que um teve que ir para o hospital.

Realmente na AFA parece ser mais interessante  :D
I hope that you accept Nature as It is - absurd.

R.P. Feynman
 

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Spectral

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« Responder #6 em: Fevereiro 12, 2004, 07:14:47 pm »
E esta hein ?  :D
(um pouco longa...)

Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?

A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction honey.

Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.

A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.

Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?

A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.

Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass
destruction, did we?

A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll find
something, probably right before the 2004 election.

Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?

A: To use them in a war, silly.

Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use in a
war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to war with
them?

A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those weapons,
so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend themselves.

Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose to die if they had
all those big weapons to fight us back with?

A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.

Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those weapons
our government said they did.

A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those weapons.
We had another good reason to invade them anyway.

Q: And what was that?

A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein was
a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country.

Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his
country?

A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.

Q: Kind of like what they do in China?

A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic competitor,
where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make U.S.
corporations richer.

Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate gain,
it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?

A: Right.

Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?

A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People who
criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.

Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?

A: I told you, China is different.

Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?

A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China is
Communist.

Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?

A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.

Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?

A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are sent
to prison and tortured.

Q: Like in Iraq?

A: Exactly.

Q: And like in China, too?

A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other hand,
is not.

Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?

A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some laws
that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba
until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like us.

Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and started
doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become capitalists?

A: Don't be a smart-***.

Q: I didn't think I was being one.

A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.

Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?

A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein
came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a legitimate
leader anyway.

Q: What's a military coup?

A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a country by
force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States.

Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?

A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our
friend.

Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?

A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.

Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by forcibly
overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate
leader?

A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us
invade Afghanistan.

Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?

A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.

Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?

A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men? Fifteen of them Saudi Arabians?
hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings, killing over
3,000 Americans.

Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?

A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of
the Taliban.

Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off people's
heads and hands?

A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off people's
heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.

Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars back
in May of 2001?

A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job
fighting drugs.

Q: Fighting drugs?

A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing opium
poppies.

Q: How did they do such a good job?

A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban would
have their hands and heads cut off.

Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing
flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands off for
other reasons?

A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off people's
hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's hands for
stealing bread.

Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?

A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy that
oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in public,
with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not comply.

Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?

A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.

Q: What's the difference?

A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet
fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes
and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal
oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and
fingers.

Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.

A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are our
friends.

Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were from
Saudi Arabia.

A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.

Q: Who trained them?

A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.

Q: Was he from Afghanistan?

A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very bad
man.

Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.

A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion of
Afghanistan back in the 1980s.

Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan
talked about?

A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or
thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call
them Russians now.

Q: So the Soviets ? I mean, the Russians ? are now our friends?

A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after
they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our
invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French and
the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.

Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?

A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French fries
and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.

Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what we
want them to do?

A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.

Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?

A: Well, yeah. For a while.

Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?

A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our
friend, temporarily.

Q: Why did that make him our friend?

A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.

Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?

A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked the
other way, to show him we were his friend.

Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our
friend?

A: Most of the time, yes.

Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an
enemy?

A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can profit
by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.

Q: Why?

A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for America.
Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a godless
un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?

Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?

A: Yes.

Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?

A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him what
to do.

Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because George
W. Bush hears voices in his head?

A. Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes,
make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.

Q: Good night, Daddy.
I hope that you accept Nature as It is - absurd.

R.P. Feynman
 

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Guilherme

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« Responder #7 em: Maio 20, 2004, 12:05:55 am »
Quem tem Kajuru, tem medo!

Confiram:

http://www.kibekajuru.theblog.com.br/Kibe%20Kajuru.wmv



 

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JNSA

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« Responder #8 em: Maio 20, 2004, 12:14:45 am »
:lol:
Excelente! Faz lembrar alguns programas da SIC e da TVI... :lol:
 

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Ricardo Nunes

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« Responder #9 em: Maio 20, 2004, 06:27:43 am »
:shock:
Ricardo Nunes
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Guilherme

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« Responder #10 em: Junho 03, 2004, 05:54:03 pm »
Inacreditável:



E ainda recebeu nota 7,0 na redação!!!!
 

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dremanu

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« Responder #11 em: Junho 04, 2004, 12:05:58 am »
Guilherme:

Será que esse texto não é uma piadinha? E senão é, e só por curiosidade, vc sabe a idade da pessoa que o escreveu?
"Esta é a ditosa pátria minha amada."
 

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Guilherme

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« Responder #12 em: Junho 04, 2004, 01:53:22 am »
Hummm, é verdade, pode ser piadinha. :lol:
 

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Guilherme

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« Responder #13 em: Junho 19, 2004, 02:37:26 am »
Vocês têm que ouvir pra acreditar. Como é possível fazerem uma música tão ruim? :P

http://www.inf.ufsc.br/~cordeiro/Vicio_Louco_-_Obsecao.mp3
 

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emarques

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« Responder #14 em: Junho 19, 2004, 03:11:40 am »
Guilherme, ainda não ouvi essa música, mas digo-lhe que o mais provável é que não consiga bater esse monumento à música sem qualidade que é o "Zé Cabra". :roll: Tente procurar, pode ser que encontre no Kazaa, ou assim.
Ai que eco que há aqui!
Que eco é?
É o eco que há cá.
Há cá eco, é?!
Há cá eco, há.